Adventures of the Anonymous Blueberry Muffin Thief

I'm off to a wedding in the northern wilds of Scotland today. The wedding isn't until saturday, but there is a ridiculous amount of travelling to be done, which I'm really not looking forwards to. I mean, I am looking forwards to the wedding (I think, lots of people I don't know very well is always scary) but the three hours on a train and then 8 hours in a car is not my idea of fun. Especially since it'll be dark so I can't read or anything. And I'm incapable of sleeping in cars unless I am completely exhausted, and I don't really know the guy driving so I'm going to be extra twitchy, and I'm feeling rather guilty as I had volunteered to do some of the driving, but failed to work out what insurance changes I'd need to make (at the moment, as far as I can tell, I'm only insured on Panga, which is my dad's car) so I'm a bit fail-boat at the moment.
And Dave is planning on abandoning me to go walking while we're up there, and it's not that I don't want to go walking, my ankles just won't really allow it, which sucks.

And I still don't have any shoes to go with my dress. Bugger. And I still need to actually pack. And put all my laundry away.

Dan and I spent a chunk of yesterday trying to clear the garden of dandelions. We got the patio done, and then it pissed it down with rain, so they'll be back soon enough. We also had a fairly nasty thunder storm in the evening, and the amount of rain coming down has done a bit of a number on my peonies, before I managed to get a good photo of them, which sucks. They usually spring back, but they'll probably be done flowering by that point. Oh well.

I really need a haircut. It's long enough that it'll go into bunches, which while hilarious, means its time for the chop again.

I'm going through one of those phases where I buy lots of dresses and then realise that I hate my stomach podge so never wear them. It's shifting, but I'm really concious of it. Bleh.

I should probably go and do stuff that's useful, like wash up, and fold laundry and err, maybe pack.

made my bed about four hours ago, but I hate arguing with duvets and I had better things to do, and now I've just lost an hour to writing words that I mostly can't read because my hand writing is shit when I'm not trying hard enough and my head hurts like it has all evening, and I've been clenching my teeth, trying to keep the words back until I can get them on the page.

Fuck I hate days like this.

It's all loud music and bright sun and I can't keep anything inside because nothing's making sense right now. Want but don't want, and running towards things until I'm right at the boundary line and I realise that it's terrifying and I can't cope. I'm not an adult and I can't deal with it right now. I want to bury my head and just tell everyone to fuck off. I don't want their issues, I don't want mine. I want to be alone and live and just get on with it, but everyone has expectations and they're the worst things to have to deal with because I'm not entirely sure where the lines are.

I have more books than I have time to read right now (and I have a lot of time, when I'm not wasting it staring into space or reading crap on the internet) and so many things that need doing and I realise there there're things that I've said I'll do that I'm not sure I want to right now.

And my PC is still fucked. I really ought to get that sorted. I want to play with photoshop again.

Most of this is the coffee and the chocolate talking. Some of this is the massive piles of WTF that are going on at the moment. Hopefully sleep (when I've made the bed) will sort the two out and I'll be sane(r) tomorrow.

Today I have things to do. I wasted yesterday pissing about with my music collection, but I have a ritual to finish, the sacrifice props to make and a load of beanbags to make. Oops. These all have to be done by friday afternoon, and I have a staff meeting for two hours tomorrow.

*headdesk*

Mental blah. I haven't missed you one bit, kindly fuck off back to wherever you came from.

I feel like my strings have been cut, and I have so many things to do and places I'm supposed to be and I just can't. And I can't make the people who need to understand this understand. Or at least, past experience has taught me that it won't be understood.
I mostly just want to sit at home and play Diablo 2 (which I can't find the CD for, which is causing me even more brain fail) and read my book and not see people. I've done a lot of seeing people lately and I'm not sure how much more I can deal with.

And I'm supposed to be running character gen for a game tonight and then going out tomorrow to see people that not all of them I like and I don't think I can. But then I'm letting people down and people will look at me in that "I don't think you're really feeling like this, I think you just can't be bothered" kind of way. And maybe I can't be bothered, but I can't be bothered because people hurt and I just don't want that right now. But they're all nice social people who don't get that.

And I think I left my favourite belt at FG, which means I'm not getting that back until august, if ever, unless it has magically gotten tangled up somewhere.

I am feeling ridiculously spammy today. My facebook has borne the brunt of it so far.

Again with the productivity today. Although I did oversleep til about 10. I have handwashed the living room net curtains (as soon as they went into the water, it was brown) although they could really do with another wash, probably, I can't be bothered. They're currently drying in the front garden, which is a wee bit annoying, I'd rather they were in the back, but my patio is so overgrown at the moment, there's no space. I need to do some garden clearance.
I'm gonna go get some window cleaner in a bit and clean the windows, and take stuff up to the charity shop.

I was looking for lamp shades for the house, but the cheapest ones I found, while perfectly nice, were on a website riddled with spelling mistakes (Tesco) so I will have to go elsewhere (if you can't be bothered to proof read your website, I'm not buying from you).

I've been listening to Dido and feeling like I'm 14 all over again (seriously, No Angel was the soundtrack to that year).

For the rest of the day, I need to do ironing, clean the front windows and tidy the LARP gear that is in my bedroom into the spare room. So not too much.

Thats probably because my life is a crazed mix of exceedingly dull and hyper stressful at the moment. c'est la vie.

We're almost at the start of the larp season for me, so things are a bit extra mad right now, work is stupid because it's all essays and presentations and students having panic attacks and lacking any manners that they should have had beaten in to them at a young age. And the house stuff continues to progress. Dad was here tiling a little while ago, but kept breaking tiles so has gone home to be angry at himself (it worries me when I'm the more mature one).
Dave and I fled while he was doing this, stopping at the comic shop (the owner is currently away, so its safe to go in and buy trashy comics without being judged or irritated) and then Buddies for lunch, and I now feel fat. I walked home in the sun, and am now trying to do some work. Sadly the fact that the work is for someone who I don't really like is making my enthusiasm wander away.

Tomorrow is new couch day, which is far more exciting than it should be. Since I moved back in I've been using a beanbag and some pillows as living room furniture, which is about as good for my back as it sounds. But yesterday I went and bought a second hand sofa and chair, and dad is picking them up for me tomorrow after work! Woohoo! I will be able to relax without my spine hating me any more than it usually does, and more than one person will be able to sit comfortably in my lounge!

I really want to be writing at the moment, but work is sucking all the creative energy I have, and what little that is left is being used to write for the larp system (I already have 3 adventures to be written, and a ritual that needs to be finished fairly soon). Ugh.

The hilarity of the security guard at one of the campuses I work on who always accuses me of having fake ID continues. The plan this friday is to wear actual smart clothes and see if she still shouts at me (I usually wear jeans and a shirt, or jeans and a t-shirt, because my job calls for me to be comfortable, and presentable, and most of my smart shirts currently involve my boobs causing the buttons issues, and quite frankly, I wear clean, un-mangled jeans and non-offensive t-shirts and that should be fine. I've seen lecturers wear worse).

And now I'm going to go and actually finish this work, or there will probably be trouble, and then I'll get pissy with people I should really get pissy at. And once it's done, it's done and I can get on with writing and moving furniture about.

Long time no post. I have been busy. With work and life and house and avoiding responsibility (it's a gift).

But today warrants a post... why? Because today, I get out of the sticks and back into chez Beth. Ok, so I still don't have a shower because the plumber may have cocked up the pipes and then plastered over it, and we don't relish the idea of pulling all the plaster out and redoing that shit. And obviously because of the pipe issue, the bathroom hasn't been tiled yet. Nor has the kicthen, and we don't have an extractor hood for the hob yet. And I could really do with another kitchen cupboard and work surface, but they'll have to wait. And the builders threw away the shelf that the tumble dryer sat on, so there's no telling where that's going at the moment.
But I have water and heating and an oven, and by the end of the day there will be nothing of mine left at my dad's place, which is just as well as I think Kay might be ready to just throw me out (I acknowledge that I am messy and somewhat set in my ways, and was only supposed to be here for a couple of months).

So yeah.

Woo and yay!

But for now I need to pack more things, maybe actually get dressed, do laundry and stuff.

We had a quiet new years with board games and hilarity and then we went for a walk on New Years day, which was nice.

2011 was an odd year. Work was crazy, real life was stressful and nothing really went anywhere. I did some new stuff, but much of it was very much of a muchness.
I'm hoping 2012 will hold a little more resolution and completion.
I don't make new years resolutions, I never keep them, but if I were to make them, I would like to, by the end of the year, be in better shape physically and financially. And that's about it. Anything else is gravy.

I'm going to go and try and get some more of my room tidied up now, and put together the uber book post of what I read in 2011, because there was rather a lot.

I'm hungry again. In fairness, I haven't had any breakfast (apart from a cup of tea) and dinner was a long time ago. There is however, no food that I want to eat in the house. I'm used to there being loads of leftovers after xmas, but since dad and Kay didn't do xmas dinner, there aren't any leftovers. There are also no seasonal boxes of biscuits, satsumas or mince pies. Kay's one of those people who barely eats anything, and while I'm here I'm expected to follow suit. It's not really working.

I'm also supposed to be tidying my room, as they have a house inspection tomorrow. This is a pain in the arse as I don't have anywhere near enough room for my stuff (and this is after I cleared a load out) so it's all getting shoved into drawers and I'm getting sick of it.

Blah. I should go and dry my hair and check on my laundry and try and find some food that doesn't involve having to go out and use up petrol to get.
And I should probably pull all the xmas music off my iPod and sync it up.

Dear LJ, your new comment layout blows goats. I like comment headers. They're kind of like the subject line of an email; usually full of guff, but occasionally really important.

I am apparently having a Bad Day. I don't know why though (well, I do, but y'know, delusions are wonderful things). Last night was fun; me and Dave went to see Sherlock Holmes and have a meal. The film was fun, the meal was acceptable (although the restaurant overcharged Dave for his meal) and it was a nice walk back to his place in as much as any walk from C:MK to where he lives can be called nice.
This morning I went and finished off a couple of bits of xmas shopping then trundled back to the piece of hicksville I'm currently living in, by way of a detour to Sixfields Sainsburys where everyone had forgotten how a car park works and were generally being idiots. There were lots of spaces free, but everyone was dithering all over the place.
I'm getting pretty sick of being here. I want my house back, I want my space back. I want to not have my stuff get randomly tidied away or thrown out (usually only empty wrappers, but in that instance, it was kind of important).

And thus we come to the other problem. I need my own space. I don't share space well a lot of the time. Its not intentional, I'm just like that

I had something I was actually going to say, but I can't fucking remember what it was. Hey ho. Probably not all that important.