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I should have
May. 21st, 2012 10:47 pmmade my bed about four hours ago, but I hate arguing with duvets and I had better things to do, and now I've just lost an hour to writing words that I mostly can't read because my hand writing is shit when I'm not trying hard enough and my head hurts like it has all evening, and I've been clenching my teeth, trying to keep the words back until I can get them on the page.
Fuck I hate days like this.
It's all loud music and bright sun and I can't keep anything inside because nothing's making sense right now. Want but don't want, and running towards things until I'm right at the boundary line and I realise that it's terrifying and I can't cope. I'm not an adult and I can't deal with it right now. I want to bury my head and just tell everyone to fuck off. I don't want their issues, I don't want mine. I want to be alone and live and just get on with it, but everyone has expectations and they're the worst things to have to deal with because I'm not entirely sure where the lines are.
I have more books than I have time to read right now (and I have a lot of time, when I'm not wasting it staring into space or reading crap on the internet) and so many things that need doing and I realise there there're things that I've said I'll do that I'm not sure I want to right now.
And my PC is still fucked. I really ought to get that sorted. I want to play with photoshop again.
Most of this is the coffee and the chocolate talking. Some of this is the massive piles of WTF that are going on at the moment. Hopefully sleep (when I've made the bed) will sort the two out and I'll be sane(r) tomorrow.
Fuck I hate days like this.
It's all loud music and bright sun and I can't keep anything inside because nothing's making sense right now. Want but don't want, and running towards things until I'm right at the boundary line and I realise that it's terrifying and I can't cope. I'm not an adult and I can't deal with it right now. I want to bury my head and just tell everyone to fuck off. I don't want their issues, I don't want mine. I want to be alone and live and just get on with it, but everyone has expectations and they're the worst things to have to deal with because I'm not entirely sure where the lines are.
I have more books than I have time to read right now (and I have a lot of time, when I'm not wasting it staring into space or reading crap on the internet) and so many things that need doing and I realise there there're things that I've said I'll do that I'm not sure I want to right now.
And my PC is still fucked. I really ought to get that sorted. I want to play with photoshop again.
Most of this is the coffee and the chocolate talking. Some of this is the massive piles of WTF that are going on at the moment. Hopefully sleep (when I've made the bed) will sort the two out and I'll be sane(r) tomorrow.
